party photography is the greatest thing since parties

there is a native american legend about a groundhog and a man named bilmu ray. in this legend, bilmu ray, who has made many bad choices in his life, is serving as his tribe's weather shaman, predicting how much winter is left, when he is cursed by an evil groundhog to relive the same day over and over again until he mends his evil ways and becomes a good man. they play this native american legend like 4 times a week on the channel that used to be TBS. anyways, the point of that fable is that man, by nature, seeks to extend his experiences because only by reviewing the previous day can he really make sense of what has happened to him.

party photography is, in many ways, analogous to that ancient indian story: you run through the actual party without thinking because time is precious, but you can take as much time as you want to thoughfully evaluate how good looking the dude you were making out with when you were drunk last night actually was when you see a picture of both of you together the next day. this is the only way we can learn.

now that i'm not in highschool anymore and i actually get invited to parties (with real live girls) or even if i don't get invited nobody minds that i'm there, i can finally understand what all the fuss is about: all your friends are there, the music is great, the girls are pretty, and the morning after i can see myself being awesome on the internet without having to do anything except party.

why, just the other day i was leaning on the railing of my veranda, admiring the splendid view of my family's estate, sipping sophisticated adult drinks with my beautiful and over-educated friends, when, during a brief lull in the friendly contest of wit which is our idle conversation, i made the general comment that party photography is a part of the actual party, extending it well into the week. for example, i said, you go out on friday or saturday and on monday you're on lindsay's diet scanning the index looking for every picture with a little bit of you in it and it takes you right back to the party. it even affects people before the party, the knowledge that a photographer is probably going to be there induces people to dress up or at least wear pants for much of the night which is arguably an improvement. i then went on to say that the knowledge that they would be able to get their picture taken as though they were really important must provide some incentive for the common people to leave their meager homes for the night. all present expressed their agreement with this profound observation.

unfortunately, not everyone thinks the way i and my wealthy friends do. there are some people who see the party and the party photography as two completely seperate things, generally with the party photographer cast as some sort of parasitic leach, building a name for themselves by attaching themselves to the idea of parties, which are generally agreed to be pretty alright. people who think like this are friendless loners who don't have any group pictures on facebook because they are always alone in their dark rooms venting their jealous rage in text form on the internet. alone.
enjoying having your picture taken and then posted on a popular website isn't vain or shallow, it's totally human and fucking awesome! anyone who doesn't feel like a celebrity when a particularly good picture of them gets posted somewhere without them having to do anything either is actually a celebrity or didn't know there was a website to check.

i would go so far as to say that we owe the party photographer our lives. i say this because most people wouldn't remember any of their weekend without the assistance of party photos; those minutes and hours spent partying would be lost to them forever, as if they never happened and they had just aged rapidly without being able to live their lives, so it could be said that they rescue pieces of our lives from the void, just like firefighters or paramedics.