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last night, after all the excitement of fake shark real zombie and you say party! we say die! at the ukraine hall and bend sinister at 1/2 alive, i found myself separted from my friends and led, as if in a dream, to a secret grotto of hedonistic pleasure on the top floor of some large residential tower. my next memory is waking up, entirely naked, stomach deep in a hot mud bath with my arms spread out luxuriously upon the warmed marble tile into which the tub was set.looking down, a girl i recognised as katrina leskanich of katrina and the waves was gently massaging my feet, stopping occasionally to suck on my big toe when she had a mouthful of iced dom perignon to tickle me with. we were soon joined by the rest of the band who were all very eager to hear about my night.
"well," i began, "you guys are probably huge fans of my blog so i don't need to tell you how much i love all ages shows, and not just because of the little girls," i winked and katrina giggled while rolling my big toe in her mouth, "i'd never heard of the first band, i/i or something, but they did their best to break the spirit of the dancing teenagers by playing a noise rock set that would not end and at one point, in a bizarre homage to spinal tap, playing a bass guitar with the mic stand, i half expected him to try to tune the mic stand before continuing."
"and the audience was willing to sit through all that?" asked vince in honest amazement.
"yes, the teenagers in the audience even managed to dance to the wall of wailing guitars and feedback."
"fucking incredible!" shouted an exceedingly drunk alex.
"fake shark played a really energetic set, except at one point some dickwad in the audience hit the drummer in the face with a football. kids."
"and then you say party played? how were they? they're huge back in england! did they play the gap?" asked vince again with as much excitement as last time. before i could answer i let loose a fit of giggles as katrina began licking in between my toes with champagne bubbles on her tongue.
"actually, i didn't stay for their entire set, i went to bend sinister at richard's on richards so i don't know if they played the gap or not." i sheepishly admitted.
"are they a band?" hiccuped alex who could barely keep his balance on the poolside.
"yeah, they're from vancouver and awesome and very similar to les savy fav in that their singer is a hairy fat guy who screams his guts out, except he smashes a keyboard with his powerful hands as well." alex and vince nodded at eachother, wished me a good night and left the room. when they were gone, shy kimberly who hadn't said a word the entire time undressed quickly and slipped into the tub, sliding up beside me she said, "you sure do a lot of talking for a guy with your reputation." i laughed, put my arm around her, and drew katrina up to my side.
getting old is the most terrifying thing most people will ever experience in their lives. the real horror is that it is not a single event, but a whole series of little ones which slowly eat away at you like atm fees. it begins when you notice that the hottest girls are no longer 19 or 20 but instead are 15-16 and your friends will make fun of you if you talk to them and ends in grey, sleepy death. the transition from being too young to being too old is nearly imperceptable, i can't remember when i was exactly the right age for anything and it is possible that i never was, i might have just gone from being a stupid teen to being a dirty old man overnight with nothing in between.i suppose getting old isn't the worst thing in the world, i can finally be that douchebag older guy who always managed to cockblock me in highschool by making me look and feel like a little boy, and people sometimes listen to me now, which is nice. the problem for me is that to get here i've had to give up so much else. how old is too old to hang around in the dark woods outside of an all ages show with a plastic cup of warm underage beer in one hand, with your other wrapped around the girl you're making out with whom you just met that night? are you still a badass if you stay out till the last bus with your friends because you're afraid of your mom smelling alcohol on your breath after your 20th birthday?
hanging out at an unsupervised community centre with your friends, drinking underage, doing e or getting high, and hooking up in the woods are some of the best things about being young, but for me, and most people i've talked to, these simple pleasures dissapear in the mists of time like the faint echoes of hardcore drifting through the warm summer night when i'm trying to pay my fucking visa bill on time because if i don't those thieves will charge me 20% interest. seriously, 20% interest on a student card, how the fuck can anybody afford that without getting a second job or dropping out of school? it was in this state of world weary forgetfulness that i returned to seylynn hall for the first time in more years than i care to remember. the bill was pretty large, but i had only ever heard of the sessions and curtis santiago and i didn't get there until 10, which i thought was pretty early, but it turns out that shows start at about 7 and end around 11. this is either because the crowd promised their moms that they wouldn't have any more late nights this month or because everyone plans on going out again afterwards. so i ended up missing curtis and being just in time for the sessions, which is a shame because i really wanted to watch curtis rock a crowd of teensters who probably came for a punk show and would also probably go and post about it on nexopia with nothing but a microphone.
things have definitely changed at seylynn. to my great surprise the posters deterring "drugs, drinking, and jerks" weren't ironic, as the only drunks there were the inconsiderate jerks i showed up with and i was always conscious of the suspicious glare i was recieving from the group of suburban parents standing behind the merchandise table, but they didn't prevent me and the crowd from having an awesome time. for a brief moment i came close to believing that you don't NEED drugs or alcohol to have fun, but i quickly shrugged it off and laughed at my naïveté.
it was really different to be at a show where the fans seemed to be holding a contest about who can get the most excited for bands they have mostly never heard of. the winner was a little girl who wanted her picture taken with every member of the sessions and i would have taken her picture to post here except i have a no going out and taking pictures to ridicule people enjoying themselves at parties on the internet policy which is strictly enforced.
watching the kids in the audience rock the fuck out brought back all kinds of wonderful and awkward memories of being younger and not knowing anything or having a blog. those kids had such a good time that i'm almost ashamed of myself for being old and boring and writing about it on the internet instead of calling a girl i just met after my parents think i went to bed and talking to her all night. the music was different (i don't think there will ever be another endthisweekwithknives) but still pretty cool, there was a lot less drinking, and i found myself staring at a few of the little girls because parental supervision means nothing to me, but if i were 15 again i'd probably still party there, creepy older guys and all.
