i was falling through the sky with nothing to slow my horrific descent save for the earth's still cloud-obscured but rapidly approaching surface. with the frictional wind wipping my hair back and stinging my unprotected eyes like cold little knives, i felt my hands instinctively reach backwards to grasp at the parachute that must be there and come up with nothing but air. my fate was sealed.
it was then that i noticed i was not alone: dorian dumont of the teenagers was falling along with me with a serene smile on his olive face. "as today seems to be your last day on earth, how was your last night?" he asked me.
"i really enjoyed your show," i told him, "the vocals could have been turned up a bit, but you guys are all foreign, so maybe it is for the best that i couldn't hear every word, and the crowd was really good, probably the best i've seen in a long time." i used all my strength to turn my head up so i could briefly look into his face, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. he just looked at me and seemed to be asking me to say more.
"i must admit that i wasn't expecting to have the greatest time of my life because it seems like frat guys always get access to presale tickets whenever anyone comes to town. i don't mean to be a jerk about it, i'm sure they have fun too, and thats awesome, but, it seems that whenever they show up at parties in their shiny dress shirts and axe body spray they steal all my girls. i don't have the confidence to approach a strange woman, start grinding with her and grab her ass like grade 9s at a highschool dance...and i know all the girls are judging me for it. it is especially bad when i see them approach girls and lean way in to ask them if they want to do shots with them. seriously, how can i compete with that? i'll never be as romantically successful as them and i know it and i also know that any girl i talk to knows it as well." by this time the tears in my eyes were not caused by the thought of my impending impact or the wind mercilessly cutting at them, but tears of impotent frustration. "anyways," i continued, "there weren't many of them there. probably because they were all at guns and bombs or something which was really nice for someone like me."
"craig," dorian spoke in the most soothing voice i had ever heard, producing sound without even moving his lips, "i am glad that no one tried to mosh at my show, but i noticed that there were about 4 bloggers for every dj, which is kind of weird and something you should all be ashamed of."
at this point all i could think of was how awesome it was when the band asked for girls to come up on stage to sing homecoming with them, but the girls who went on stage didn't know the words but that didn't matter because they played the recorded girls voice anyway. and also i'm pretty sure the girls just went on stage to be noticed, not to sing so everyone won. with that beautiful thought filling my mind i smiled and waited for the earth to come up and strike me.
dorian slowly vanished, leaving me alone again. i began to reflect on the events that had lead me here: last night, after prying off the beautiful women who clung to me like lampreys because they couldn't find any real men to buy them shots, i returned home to my sprawling country manse and flung myself down onto my king size water bed, vowing to update my blog first thing in the morning when i had thought of something kind of funny to write.
5 comments:
im still trying to figure out if the sky diving was a clever hook or if this is a dream sequence ala Mario 2 or the 7th season of Dallas.
Either way, i agree, the crowd was pretty amazing. From now on im only going to shows involving myspace bands!
Got you million bucks yet Faggit?
i had to leave before homecoming came on, and i know ALL THE WORDS.
i would have killed them.
i would have became a touring member.
i thought the set was well played too. it's really something else when you meet a couple of guys that haven't let the idea of fame pride themselves over the fans. they were agreeably very down to earth.
The only thing that confused me about this entry was when you mentioned the girls that went on stage for "homecoming". i find it rather ironic when i see a blogger talking about girls who probably just want to be noticed. isn't the whole point of having a blog to entice the public read it? aren't you contributing to the notion of being noticed just as much as those girls that went on stage?
hey man
youre pretty poetic when you talk about your concerts.
and how .. the earth comes back to strike you when you think about girls on stage. who are probably too drunk to care/remember/avoid slurring the lyrics. and a little bit shy too.
maybe i am one of those girls.
but to come across this months later when it doesnt even matter anymore. and sure, ive felt my fair of embarassment over the whole thing.
i thought it was pretty funny myself.
and,
yeah. we were so lame we brought dorian and michael to an apartment with one beer left, and listened to laptop music.
and then sent them home in a cab at four that morning. they are pretty rad but they aren't fucking gods man.
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